It has only been 3 months for the year 2021 and a lot of things have already happened. There are several opportunities that I just let slip through my hands. Opportunities that could have led me to my dreams and long term goals. Opportunities that only happened once in a blue moon.
Some of those opportunities are a 70% off scholarship in one of England’s universities, new long term “freelance” job in an institution (which means I could have been doing my work while earning extra after shift), and starting my masters degree. When my friends knew about this, their common reaction was “it was a good opportunity, why did you let it go?”. So yeah, I suck at this and I do not want these type of opportunities to just pass by me. On the brighter side, though they are already gone, I still believe that if they are really meant for me, then in the right time, another better opportunity will knock at the door of my life.
Yesterday, March 26, 2021.. I was already in the urge of submitting my resignation letter to my boss. We were in the middle of our usual weekly-meeting when reality hit me – “I was letting go of great opportunities just because I was way too focused on working about things that I thought could help our department. Yes, they do matter and yes, they will surely help. However, if you have a solution at hand and people will only ignore it because they are already used on doing usual things the way it is and neglect the fact that it will improve the quality of the entire team’s performance – then why bother?” That thought took my sanity within minutes. But I didn’t click the send button just yet. I just want to prove them wrong. I am willing to go for another year and try to leave a legacy to help my good-supportive friends & colleagues before fully going towards the direction of my dream.
Ever since when I was a kid I’ve always wanted to go abroad and get a job there or perhaps settle for good. Well, my family already knows about my plan and they supported it though it took a while for them to accept it.
Whenever I get the chance I always ask my mom or my sisters or my friends if they know someone from abroad or if they have any plans or ideas how to be there. I was thinking back then that if only I have a relative who is currently working or living in this specific location where there is a potential opportunity for me – like the story of other people, then maybe – just maybe, it could have been better and easier. But, in reality it was way more difficult than that. I have direct relatives that are working and living in different parts of the world and it’s just not that easy.
Personally, I also don’t want to ask help from other people or be a liability. It is because if there is one thing that I learn from my dad, it is to “never depend on others, if you know within yourself that you are capable – then do it”. He really does not want us to rely much on our relatives. I guess I understand him, because he just wants to avoid misunderstanding and I know that he knows his daughters are tough.
I know what I can do and I know my limitations.. it’s just that I don’t want to waste my time anymore, my energy, my focus and passion in something that is not worth doing. I guess I already reached the point in my life that I wanted to slow down, live purposefully and to focus on things that really matter. Those things that will surely help me achieve my goals, dreams, live the life that I really wanted, help my family and to prepare myself for my own little captain (hahaha, I just love the thought of calling my future kid that way. I mean.. I am a woman, I also want to settle and have my own family too. But I do not want myself to focus on my “paris” because things could change. If he’s the one, then he’s the one hahaha).
If you will ask me to choose between career or love? I will boldly say “career”. Why? I can’t put it into words right now. But I know I have the answer, I just can’t get the right words to explain it. Hopefully, on the next blogs or podcast episodes I can answer the question WHY?
On the other hand, I was able to find a way to prepare for unexpected set-backs. When I say set-backs, I am talking about those common possible problems or distractions that I already encountered and that could happen again. In a particular thing (which I think is not really far from being my potential setback), I asked someone about my plan and he said yes. So for that part, I’m kind a secure that whenever the distraction comes or annoyance of those setbacks will resurface, then I have him. I could just tap and he will help me with it (hopefully he will not change his mind thou). And, hopefully I will not encounter those setbacks “again” or any difficult setbacks so I will not have any reason to ask help, pause, or stop while traversing the rest of the adulting years.
Now, I just want to let go what was, accept what is and believe in what will be.
Crossing my fingers.
Xoxo
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