Look what you’ve done?
I could write the words over and over again, but I realize it changes nothing. I could shout it at the top of my lungs and tell the world how much you’ve wounded and scared me, but the past won’t listen or care. I have the potential to hate you. I could keep my anger for you hidden deep inside of me as a memory of the pain & anxiety you caused me.
I was given no choice but to face you alone in the darkness. To embrace and welcome you in the moment of my life where I thought it would be easy. People already gave several warnings about you and how bad the situation could be once I welcome you. Never would I think that the short hours under your presence would feel like forever. I cling to myself in the darkness trying to be brave while telling myself “I can make it through”. I promised to myself that I will not cry while enjoying your soft touches to my face. I know the situation is dangerous, but your cold embraces me and it surprisingly comforts me.
Yes, I did not cry. Once again, this brave heart of mine was able to hide all the fears and questions that I wish I could throw at you while being in the moment with you. But, I guess this is who I am. I tend to cover what I feel to look courageous. After seeing my home and what I call my core in tragedy, I subconsciously asked myself “why?”. I did not cry while I was in the moment, but I silently let go of my tears when I got to the office. When I felt safer and where I think nobody can judge my emotions.
I know I’m strong and alive, and I’m allowed to feel all kinds of emotions, including love, fear, panic, gratitude and sadness. I am grateful for both the moments I have and those I have lost. You are a part of me. The experience I had with you will reside inside of me in a place where compassion, contentment, and humility will keep it safe. And as a result, I will be a better person in the future.
Heartbreak comes in any shape and plays no favorites when it chooses people in life to let us down.You may feel broken and empty after losing someone, after typhoons, after breakup, after leaving a place, after letting go, after choosing the right thing, after being brave, or even after building yourself.
To anyone who bravely faced Odette alone, I am proud of you. I appreciate your toughness and I know that whatever storm will come into your life, you will certainly make it through. To anyone who chooses to stand firm and keep moving in life after the struggle, you are doing great babe. Your resilience will bring you farther in life. Just remember that our life is a trial with endless defeats. We may win or lose, but we have nothing to fear.
#LabanBraveHeart
As humans, we let each other down. We promise love before we know what it really means. We abuse trust. We break hearts. We make mistakes. I have made my fair share of mistakes as well. I’m sure I have hurt others too.
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