Are you willing to gamble? Take risks? Make action out of doubts? Embrace uncertainty? Decide out of confusion? Think twice. Think long and hard. I bet you aren’t.
Why? Because we love things in a certain way or maybe because we are afraid. We are scared that we screw things up, that we don’t even have a little time to get much done or it is too much for us to handle.
Allow me to share. Lately, I realized I wasn’t really that person who is willing to take risks than I thought I am. I’m not willing to gamble what is about to unfold to something that I know it’s not worth it. I need to be true. I just couldn’t, because it would mean making sacrifices that I’m not willing to make. Sacrifices that include my goals, dreams and freedom. I think that’s just how life goes. Sometimes, we don’t have a choice but to make bold actions and trust ourselves even if no one will, even if we can’t, and even if we don’t want to.
And during those times is when the great “anxiety” tries to cripple me slowly. Just like today. Since I don’t have much gusto to do things, I decided to have dessert for lunch. ‘Coz why not? It’s not like there’s a law stating that we’re not allowed to eat ice cream as an alternative for our lunch. Right?
Well, though ice cream is one of my comfort foods, it did not work as much as I eat it on the other days. When I left the office, all I did was sleep on the way home. You got a sleeping beauty here, folks. I skipped dinner, and talked nonchalantly to my mom about the things that are bothering me. To be honest, I do not talk to her about things like this. Since I am not a big fan of “small talks” we just end up laughing about other things. What a way to solve my problem. It did not even help at all (just to be clear with that). BUT, laughing with her makes me so much better.
I headed straight to my room and decided to read. From the devotional I was reading, it says that Anxiety is both a psychological and physiological state. It is due to our brain’s interpretation of a stimulus threat which often makes us scared. Also it indicates that there are 3 different forms of Anxiety.
First, the Chemical anxiety which means the neurons are out of balance. It could be puberty or menopause. It’s an anxiety out of your control.
Second, is Reactive anxiety. It is when you have been under a constant amount of stress that now your brain does not know when to stop or turn off. You have been going and going for so long that it no longer turns off. You have a hard time sleeping or waking up at 2 in the morning stressed about something. Even if you are on a vacation, you are still stressed about something because your mind is always on the go. The pedal is all the way down, always on the gear. Anxiety is your norm.
Third, Traumatic anxiety. It’s when a tragic event has occurred in your life, and it has become your coping mechanism. Everyone will experience this form of anxiety at some point.**
Out of that devotional I was reading I got Psalms 56:3 that says “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” This is a great way to remind me that no matter what’s bothering me about my career, plans in life, passion projects, and studies, He will always be in control as long as I have faith in Him.
It also reminds me that even though I wanted to create and publish more podcast episodes, I just can’t. Not yet. I am too occupied, I have to reset first. If there’s one thing I realized, I want to do things because they are truly meaningful and not just I have to cross it out from my daily to-do list. If we are too engulfed in something, sometimes it is so easy for us to forget life that is waiting for us.
So today, I could not be more grateful to those people who are there for me, who are willing to listen, and support my decisions even just through chats or in person. They became my strength to do things differently and even better.
Like my mother, it seems like she always knows how to do things. I can still remember during the interview when I was still trying to get the “job”, they asked me how long I think I would stay with the company? I honestly answered, I wanted to stay long like how my mom stayed for 45 plus years in the company where she worked at. Of course I mean every single word at that time. But, with all the things going on in the world right now, with all the personal concerns (more on sudden shift of priorities), and now that I have a lot of things going on in my mind. I have to admit, it is really hard to say that I still want to stay in the company longer than I originally wanted.
Imagine if you have all the chances and opportunities in life. How much more are you willing to sacrifice and waste before you fully take courage to do something about it and make a one step closer to what you are meant to do? I have a strong feeling that the answer is almost “never”.
Yes, there may be experiences or memories from the past that we do not want to repeat because they are too painful and you are too tired for it. But please do not let it hold you back. There are still things in life that we are bound to encounter, people we are destined to meet or spend time with again, and opportunities that we should grasp. Chances are.. it could be something that is bad for you or something that is exactly what you needed. Even if you are afraid because it seems so HARD. Just be there and give your hundred percent YOU. At the end of it all, you will just ask yourself “how did I even do that?” And you’ll be surprised.
So, wherever you are right now, no matter what you are thinking or dealing with. I, and all the other people out there who are in the same venture as you are, we will always be proud and we’ll keep cheering for you. Believe that you can and you will.
I’ll tell you what, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for all of us. ‘Till then, Xoxo.
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