Honestly, I am in the urge to cry right now. My inside is screaming already but I am stopping myself. I don’t want to get too emotional, because once I do who would comfort me? It would just gonna be me again. I am far from my relatives, from my best friend, from my comrade, and from everyone I seek comfort from. I wanted to blame my hormones because that’s what most girls do, but I can’t.
Just exactly a week ago, I started my training as a flight attendant here in one of the best known airlines in our country. I know this is a great opportunity for a new chapter in life that I got to unfold when I signed the job offer together with all the hopes and dreams that were buried a long time ago. This means I have to armor myself up and start to become independent again as I move into the new city.
I got this urge to write again after watching “My Grown Up Christmas List”, a Hallmark movie (If you’ve been reading my blogs, you would have known that I am a big fan of Hallmarks way before Netflix). I miss my independent life a few years back before I started working in my previous company, when I used to live alone, cook meals for myself, enjoy my “me” time while watching Hallmark movies, achieving personal goals, working out and a lot of stuff. I can see myself in the main character’s life. I miss that feeling of being productive in the office, and writing and sharing my thoughts to the web people. Then, all of the sudden I remembered myself earlier that day. One of our trainors “Jee Jee” used to tell us, this is our new career, this is the childhood dream that we always wanted and this is a prestigious path. Indeed, it is. However, upon listening to her.. I get to see myself working in an office set up, where I can share my ideas, unleash my leadership, help improve things and solve problems, mentor and motivate people.. At that very moment, I saw a glimpse of myself of how I really wanted to be. Like, for a very long time I always see myself being part of the management and leadership side. This is how I see myself as I get to NewYork (I know what you’re thinking, really “New York?”) Well, yeah… JFK has been my dream destination ever since. And, that glimpse of me this morning while I was there sitting in the frontrow, while listening to our trainor is scaring me. Giving me all these questions of “what-ifs”. What if this is all a mistake? What if being an FA is really not what I would enjoy. What if all the recent sacrifices I made including my job, career, masters degree.. Are all for nothing?
But there’s also a part of me that’s telling me that “sometimes you just know when it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings”. I know that there’s a part of me who is scared of the unknown that this new career will lead me to. Scared of the things that could happen in the next few weeks or months. But that’s the beauty of life. We have no control over it, but it does not mean the decision we made was a mistake. Actually it was the best decision we got during the time we had to decide (credits to sir GYY for this wisdom).
I wish I could share more details, stories, and even photos or videos, but I can’t. As we are in our training, we are discouraged to post anything yet in any social media platform until we graduate, pass our exams or drills and complete our first few flights.
Before ending this, I would like you to know that regardless of what you are in right now your feelings will always be valid regardless of how people perceive you. You are you. Not everyone knows everything about you. Not even your parents, your special someone, your best friends, our friends nor your colleagues. So don’t let anything nor anyone get that hope of new beginnings out from you. I believe you are way better than who they think you are.
P.S. I am hoping to have my first flight this coming 2nd week of December wearing my FA uniform. Wish me luck!
P.P.S I know that everyone was familiar with the song by Joji which was co-written and produced by Connor McDonouh “A Glimpse of Us”.
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